Entry 34: The Last Night

So I predicted the last night in this house would be super hard but it's even harder than I thought. As I am singing to Harper at bedtime and staring at the elephants Brian so proudly painted on her walls as she was growing in my belly, I couldn't even get through the songs. These are the songs that Brian stood in the same room and sang next to me. It was his favorite parent activity, singing to his baby and rubbing her. Does my three year old really understand what it means when I say we won't live her anymore after tonight? Growing up my family never moved, so I have never had to say goodbye forever to a house that held such meaning. This was Brian's house that I moved in to. In the closet it looks like someone shot a gun everywhere on the walls because Brian moved shelves and added more so I could fit when we blended our lives. Let's not mention the time all my racks fell down and totally ruined my life for a week because of the disorganized chaos.  Let's also not mention Brian's method of finding a stud to hang things was drilling into the wall, nope, let's drill over here, nope, do that a few more times, of here's one! There's the paint on the ceiling of when we painted the living room together.  There's the kitchen where he proposed after one of the crappiest days in my teaching career. It's the home where we brought home our newborn. It's the only place where she will have known Daddy. Even though I know the move is good, this is hard. I know my heart holds the memories, not the house, but gosh I love this home that we made together.

One of the things I am most excited about my new house is the new community of people on my cul-de-sac that I have heard great things about, yet I will miss my Twin Lakes community. My neighbors who ran over laundry detergent tonight so I could wash one more load, the ones who decorated the driveway with sidewalk chalk when I moved in, the ones who made a tumor jar as a joke before we left for surgery in NYC, the ones who would do anything for my family, the ones who remember to close my garage when I don't, the ones who helped raise my baby during her most precious newborn years, the ones who borrow kitchen stuff and never give it back, the neighbor brothers, these major players in the village who have supported us wholeheartedly since diagnosis day, the ones whose parents/family treat us just as well, and more than neighbors, my friends.

I have fond memories of hosting parties with entirely too many guests for the size of the house. I will always cherish the dinners that started with friends coming over to watch the Bachelor and turned into framily, counseling, and the Brian comedy show.  I laugh when I think about the pups getting out and us blaming Brian and my dad when there was really a giant hole dug under the fence.

So as I cry singing lullabies, I remember to be thankful for this home, these memories, my Brian, these neighbors and the memories 119 North Twin Maple provided. I look forward to our new house and making sure Brian is well represented in it. I also look forward to a fun day of packing the truck with the lightning squad peeps tomorrow!