Entry 72: It's a Sad One

My heart really hurts right now. Breaking up always sucks, but sucks times 10 the first time you're in love after your husband dies. Sucks even more when there are kids involved. Sucks worse when you were sure this was a long term thing. Sucks even more this time of year even though I don't think any time of year would be better. (Don't say sucks, it's a bad word. Sorry Mom.)


I got really good at being independent and leaning on my friends and only needing Harper the first two years after Brian died.  Then I started dating and let people in. It's nice to have someone care about your day to day life and to spend time with. I know I will be okay eventually, but GOSH THIS IS TERRIBLE. It's hard to see Harper experience another loss. She was really close to his daughter and the idea of not seeing her anymore makes Harper so sad. I hate that my dating life has an impact on her and is another loss for the both of us.

It may seem weird to post about a breakup in a blog, but it's better than telling everyone individually and being sad every single time. This clearly isn't what I wanted, but I know with time, this will heal and I will look back and be thankful for what the relationship taught me. But right now my heart just hurts, a ton. I wish Brian was alive, I didn't have to date, I had his unconditional love, and there were more Newton babies in the world.

For now, I will love on my baby and lean on my friends/family and get through this heartbreak too.