Entry 27: Home Sweet Home

 So...I have made the not-easy decision to sell our house. Before you freak out and think..what!?!?!?  How soon! How fast! Why?!?!   I am not leaving because it is hard to be in this house. In fact, I think it will be harder not to be in this house. I am not running from memories or even looking for a fresh start (which would be totally normal and fine).  For me it's because for years Brian and I have been longing to move to a bigger place that is zoned for different schools. Last year we even got as far as contacting a realtor and the bank. As the realtor walked our home telling us how to get it show ready, the task seemed overwhelming and impossible considering Brian was not consistently feeling well. Financially, we also could not afford exactly what we wanted. So the dream remained a dream and was a constant continued discussion that felt impossible.  Even in the end, Brian would make me promise to move somewhere safe. He would have me in a gated community if it were up to him. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago....a friend advertised that their neighbor's house was for sale in the neighborhood I want to live in. So I decided to go fact finding and just investigate my options.  Turns out because Brian set us up financially and because this house, the house he bought, is now worth more, the move is doable. The process in the beginning was exciting.

 Then the realtor came to meet with me and it got WAY TOO REAL!

You may be saying to yourself now....hold up! Your friends are in the real estate business and you didn't use them?!?! You got some explaining to do.  Well here it is....Because this is such an emotional process I needed someone not involved emotionally.  I needed a stranger. I needed someone who would not feel sad when I felt sad. Someone who wouldn't look at the pictures on my wall or see the professional pictures of my home and feel the same attachment to them that I do. I needed a neutral party who didn't really know my story. So to my real estate friends, I am sorry.

Back to the WAY TOO REAL...

This is our home. We got engaged in the kitchen on a day I came home from work less than happy. The elephants in Harper's room were painted by her Daddy free hand.  The couch still holds Brian's butt groove from where he always sat.  The neighbors are the best you could literally ever ask for. I feel like God was saying....you sure you want to leave them when I left my garage door open not once but twice this week.  Each neighbor called me to tell me and closed it for me.  This is only a tiny thing they constantly do for me, but great neighbors are the best! How the heck can I move?!?!?!

The other thing that is scary is the unknown. As Cally reminded me, I like things planned and in a neat pretty package. Buying and selling at the same time is not neat or pretty.  Well the house is neat but there is no way to make a plan. There is no predicting how fast my house will sell. There is also no way to guarantee that the house I want to buy will still be available. I guess what I am saying is there is no control. WUGH! My least favorite thing ever.

So how can I move???  I can because I know that I am following "our" dream. I am focusing on the fact that home means the memories are inside of us. 119 North Twin Maple Road will always hold a very special place in my heart.  Yet...

"Home is not a place...it's a feeling."

So as we cross our fingers and toes, shuttle the dogs out the second there is a showing, and drive around aimlessly, I will remember "our" dream. I will remember our shared goals. I will make sure that when we do get a new home, I do all that I can to bring the feelings of "our" home with us.

Just in case you know someone interested...here's the link to our home: http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/119-N-Twin-Maple-Rd_Saint-Augustine_FL_32084_M52801-12718