As part of Whole30 the clean eating I do quite often, days 10 and 11 are known as the hardest days. It’s when most people quit and give up. I feel like for my grief it’s the same. Days 10 and 11 of January are the hardest days. Maybe even harder than the day Brian died. I don’t know why I don’t prepare and plan for January 10th and 11th but maybe it’s because i don’t know how or it isn’t possible. In 2017, this is the time Brian was super sick at home, falling down, waking up after a nap and not remembering that he was awake earlier in the day. It’s the time when we finally went to the hospital and the last time Brian was home.
This week has been overwhelming. With the start of grad school and wondering where I’m going to carve out time for that and with the heaviness of grief that I forget to prepare for, it’s just been rough. Harper has been grieving too. Mentioning Brian every single day. Discussing her fears of death. But also bringing so much joy and light to every single day. Just like her daddy!
So this weekend we are going to take some time to connect with people, take a break from the demands of work and school, and just be with this grief on these hardest days. It’s insane to think it’s been 3 years!
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