Let's start by saying life is really really good. We are blessed beyond measure and there is too much happiness to even quantify.
However, nine years! It's wild that it has been that long. Grief evolves and changes as the years pass. I don't think of Brian any less but it is different. We still talk about him all the time. All the little things remind me of him. But big, nonstop crying grief doesn't hit as often. Well except for this past Monday. I wrote this when I was sad. Lots of grief. So be warned as you read!
To Brian:
What I miss:
- I miss the way your mind worked. And how you could be the most insulting person ever but instead
of hurt feelings you somehow left everyone feeling loved or noticed. - The pure ridiculousness of you that could never be predicted because whose mind works like that?!?
- I miss hearing your voice. When I hear it on an old video I am blown away and it touches some place deep in my heart.
- I miss talking to you about FSDB. I'd love to know your take on so many thing!
- I miss your absolute obsession with Harper. You loved being her dad. So sad that you both miss out on each other. You'd be fighting all these middle school girls! And boys!
- I miss you filling me in on all the details of everyone's life. Not having a guy in the group chat means missing out on important life updates of our people.
- I miss football Sundays. Football season always makes me miss you a little extra.
What I want him to know:
- We are so well loved. Beyond what you could've ever wanted and hoped for your girls. More than we even talked about in bed those final months. We are so well taken care of. You'd be so happy.
- Your people still show up for us in all the big ways and small ways. Just like they promised.
- Your girl is so amazing! Loves math, can sing like you and loves to be the teachers' favorite. She loves gymnastics. I can only imagine what you would yell at the competitions right before she vaults! You'd be in so much trouble.
- We have a 12 year old! That's mind blowing too. Almost as mind blowing as the fact that you've been gone for nine years.
- She loves music. She may not know all the background and history of the lyrics, but she is really into it. You'd love it.
- Your family is still our family. We love the legacy and inheritance you have left for us that we get to do life with these people we love.
- Our last together puppy crossed over the rainbow bridge. I hope you already know that because you are snuggling her and this is not news to you.
- Your girl is ROCKING her Crohn's diagnosis. She is thriving and following SCD. The doctor wants her to grow a little more before puberty but I wish I could show them a picture of you, Gumby, so they will leave us alone!
