Entry 56: Donuts with Dad

So every time I use the word my husband with people who don't know me or my story, I feel like I need to follow it with but he died. It's silly and I don't know why it's a thing but after working camp all week with new students and new interns, I found myself talking about Brian a lot but felt weird not giving them the whole story. This is just a random widow thought.

Anyways every though last year was our first Father's Day without Brian, we were at his family reunion surrounded by so many that there wasn't a big impact. Harper changed schools this fall, and this May there was a Muffins with Mom event. These events are so cute and so sweet and short and involve the children making a prize for you.   It made me realize there was going to be a potential for a Dad's event.  Harper's teachers have been incredible. They don't balk with she goes into a conversation about death after a class caterpillar died. They don't hesitate to have hard conversations with me regarding grief if necessary. And when I was about to try to broach the subject of Father's Day with her teacher, she said, Harper still has a Dad and we will make stuff for him and celebrate him. How perfect and wonderful was that answer. She does still have a dad but not one that could physically be present for Donuts with Dad. Now I may have thought in the younger ages it wouldn't matter as much to not have a representative at such an event but then you realize that peer pressure starts YOUNG! Harper needs to pack a certain stuffed animal because so and so friend brought hers to school the day before. Another mom told me they had to buy a thermos and pack soup because Harper has a thermos and soup. So I figured sending Bampy would be a great solution. Behind the scenes the boys were already making plans of their own to come be with Harper.

Two years ago we found out Brian had cancer back on the brain. It was devastating. We also found out the typical survival rate for someone with his stage of cancer. We both cried sitting in the recliners waiting to meet with more doctors. If we matched the statistic, Harper would be 5 years old. It was unfathomable. It was gut-wrenching. It was a super big low in our entire cancer rollercoaster.  As we processed the information we dealt with it the way we dealt with everything. With the hope that we were better than any statistic and that our case would be different. Around this time too, Brian met individually with his guy friends. His biggest fear was leaving Harper and me. I don't know the details of these conversations but I do know he asked them to look out for us. And man have they gone above and beyond. They were some of the first people to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. They will come running anytime I ask. They care.

So when I told Harper she would have 4 people with her, she said, "But what if my teacher gets mad?" Then is progressed to "Why not 5 people?"  (She's not spoiled at all.)

So today as I am working camp, I get pictures from her teachers and they guys of Harper enjoying her crew at Donuts with Dad.  My heart is so full and I feel so incredibly happy. My child is so loved and knows it. Although she may not realize it now, she will one day see how her Daddy's best friends were there for her and made such a huge statement at her first "dad" event without a physical dad present. Brian is beaming, I just know it. He
picked the best people to surround himself with and I am so thankful they are now mine. These boys are going above and beyond to fulfill their promise and I couldn't feel more loved. My heart is so full!