Entry 39: Seven Months

Grief is real and grief is tough. Grief is real tough and for some reason month 7 has been the toughest yet. There's no way to pinpoint a reason or to even describe all the feelings. Loneliness even when surrounded by all the great people in my life, longing for connection, trying to figure out the new me, missing the crap out of Brian. All these things but still loving life and having fun. It's weird. It's hard. But light always shines through.

Listen to this story. Brian and I ate Chick-fil-a. A LOT! In true Brian fashion he over time started picking on one employee who was always so friendly. She would give Harper ice cream even if we said no. She was bubbly and laughed off all of his jokes so of course the insults got worse or louder in order to make her laugh more. This poor high-schooler being harassed by a MAN while she tried to work! She took it with smiles even if he would fill out comment cards about her.  Unfortunately Chick-fil-a isn't allowed on Whole30 so we haven't been in the store in a while. We've driven through, but haven't seen our friend, Kaylee.  Well when my parents took Harper for after school treat when they were babysitting this past weekend, in true Kaylee fashion she warmly greeted my parents and recognized Harps.  She then asked how Brian was. My poor mom. Poor Kaylee. What a shock. Well what do you think this sweet teenager did after hearing the news? She friended me on Facebook, sent kind words, and then flowers showed up at our house. Her card said, "Wishing you and your little girl nothing but smiles and happiness. I will never forget Brian and the insults that came with him. This ones for him." How amazing?! What an incredible girl. We are lucky because of Brian's ridiculous antics, he's touched such great people and pulled them into our circle. He was the light.

So in this tough spot of grief, I want to be more like him. And I want to know how to teach Harper the amazing empathy and maturity that Kaylee showed.

Seven months. Seven months without Brian. But also seven months of the most insane support anyone can ever feel. So although it's tough and hard, I have the most amazing support. In Option B she explains, "The two things we want to know when we're in pain are that we are not crazy to feel the way we do and that we have support,"  The support is unreal and I will never be able to show enough appreciation for all the love my crazy.