Entry 20: Responsibility Who?

So this past weekend I went on my first ever girls' weekend in Savannah with my sorority sisters.  The trip was incredible for so many reasons. I don't like the idea of being "excited to be away from my kid" because that isn't how I feel at all. Harper is my best friend and I love doing life with her.  That being said, this weekend was incredible because I was FREE from responsibility.  The most important things I needed to take care of were not losing my purse and making sure I didn't fall on cobblestone.  I mean seriously, thanks to my friends I didn't have to drive, make decisions about where to eat, or even hold on to a hotel key.  I feel like since Harper has been born and since Brian had cancer I am/was always responsible for something even if I was away on a trip.  I would be responsible to check in, or to make sure I wasn't spending too much, or I would feel guilty. Thanks to my awesome parents, this weekend was guilt free.  I knew Harper was happy and I got to do what I wanted to do no strings attached.

The second thing that made the weekend so amazing was that as I walked around making new memories with my bestie and girls that I haven't seen in years but still love, I was reminded of my memories with Brian. We took a surprise trip for Brian's 40th to Savannah with friends. Brian and I also traveled to Savannah in the beginning of our relationship.  I passed the shop where Brian showed a lady his scar and told her that I only planned the trip because he had cancer. Always being sarcastic.  I laid in the park and read my book. The same park where Brian and I brought the dogs and took pictures before. I walked through the park where Brian last threw a football. I laughed at the random things Brian did in Savannah including a hilarious prank call.  I am so thankful that he and I made so many memories together.

Third, the girls I was with were full of grace. They took genuine interest in how I was doing. They wiped tears as we sat around the lobby eating breakfast and talking about the Hospice experience.  They were kind. They brought joy. They asked real questions.  They let me share the memories even though most of them never got to know Brian. It truly made my heart happy.

One topic of conversation was that in high school and college, you have time to invest in relationships with friends.  You form super strong bonds and really get to know your friends. It seems like as we get older it is harder to make such close friends because life gets in the way.  So as adults we don't add as many friends to our lives.  I am so thankful for the time invested in these girls.  As much fun it is to tease about being a sorority girl and "buying" my friend, I got what I paid for. I am also thankful that because Brian invested in people, I do have "new" friends as an adult. And not just casual friends, super close friends who have embraced me and all of my craziness.

Although today I cried this morning on the way to school and was missing Brian something fierce, I was then almost tripped by a moving roach when walking up the stairs to my classroom. It made me laugh out loud and take a video. Ahhh.  Some people send beautiful animals, Brian sends roaches!

**I feel like I should add that Brian would find dead roaches in the building when we worked together and fold a piece of paper and send them with a student to me. I would assume it was some important communication then open it up to find a dead roach.  He did this with many other staff as well.  That's why I assumed the roach was from him. Of course he would send that!