Entry 11: I Miss Him

As I sit here grading essays because that's what teachers do on their day off, I am listening to the music playlist of Brian's songs that Zak made. Hope students like papers that come back a little saltier than when they were turned in.  Even though my day was filled with happy--I chased babies around the nursery and hugged the ones who missed their parents. I went to my happiest of all places, the beach! My friend since I was one and his awesome wife hosted me and cooked me dinner that was compliant with my new eating deal--tonight I cry. I just freaking miss him. I stare at the beautiful canvas on my wall of our family and think...How? How is he gone? I know how, but it makes me sad. The permanence is the hardest part.  One of the songs that came on while I was grading was "From Where You Are" by Lifehouse.

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I have no regrets. I wouldn't have changed a single thing. All that needed to be said between the two of was said.  I just wish there was a way to have more time. To store in my brain all the little things. I wish my memory was better so I could be sure to pass on every detail for Harper. I wish I could hold his face.  

Yeah, I miss you

And I wish you were here 

** I also wish I had tomorrow off of work!