Entry 21: We are LOVED

In church this morning, Pastor Larry said, "The only way to come to the Lord is through love."  I have been reflecting a lot on all the love that has been shown to my family before Brian died and since Brian has died. It is truly remarkable. Although there is still not a word strong enough to express the gratitude I feel and there is no way to even recount every morsel of love shed our way, I will give you a glimpse into our week.

After an amazing weekend in Savannah, my bestie left for Colorado and my parents departed for a trip of their own.
 

Monday night I got to spend time with Brian's mom and his cousins, Beff (Jeff) and Debbie.  They are seriously my favorite people. I feel like they are mine. They are the type of people who you cannot even compliment their cool things or these cool things will then show up at your doorstep the second they get a chance to order them. They are listeners. Like the best listeners.  They love and accept and make me feel so incredible. My "shy" daughter goes straight to Beff and receives the best love!  Monday night, we got to go to their condo they were renting at the beach.  They cooked me a Whole30 approved meal knowing that I was still eating well. Beff got me an adult coloring book cause he knows I need to force myself to slow down.  They also got me a gift card to my FAVORITE spa in town (which they knew from asking my friends 2 months ago in Hospice). We got to walk on the beach, talk about Brian, talk about the fact that it has hit hard, push a Jeep out of the sand, see a bunny in the dunes and watch the moon rise as the sun set.  Pure magic.  Pure love.

Tuesday, a new friend at the gym gave me the perfect shirt for Harper.  I got to have framily dinner with the girls.  These people come every week. They come to me. They don't expect anything at all. It is amazing. This week we sat and talked about Brian. We may have cried a bit and laughed a lot. There was no need for TV. They tried to leave several times then we found ourselves sitting on the couch talking some more.  I went to bed happy. Thinking about Brian, reassured by their love.

Thursday I had grief counseling with my caring and reassuring counselor before heading off with friends to Disney on Ice.

This all sounds magical, but wait till you hear how to week continued...


Imagine you are driving to work after a late night partying. And by partying I mean you went to Disney on Ice and got your daughter and yourself to sleep at 11PM. Super late for all involved!  So, you are driving to work and as you get close to the gate, you search your purse for your work keys/ID.  As you dig through your large purse, you do not find your keys, however you do find a JCrew jewelry pouch loaded with cash. A LOT of cash.  This may seem like magic or a made up story. But sure enough, this happened to me Friday morning. As I try to think about how this large sum could've found its way into my purse, I retrace when I last used my purse.  I brought it in to Debbie and Beff's house Monday but they tend to hand gifts straight to you.  Then I remember the last time I used it was for the trip to Savannah. After completing my investigation, I discover that my sorority sister that I have not seen in 12 year, quietly snuck the pouch into my purse over the weekend. She was not asking for praise, recognition or even checking about the fact that it's been 4 days since the trip and she hadn't heard even a peep of thanks. This is love. I got to share this love with my students because by the time the wowness and shock settled over me and the investigation wass complete, I was at work. I got to tell them about the goodness of people and also give them a little lesson in finances and budgeting.

Friday, I also got to spend more time with Sally, Beff and Debbie (Charlie and Sammy too).  Resting on the beach, chatting, building drippy castles, and swimming in cold pools. They watched Harper while I worked and while I worked out. They came to me and we got to do my Easter traditions.  We cooked dinner and we dyed eggs. To have a house so full made my heart so happy. A house full of people who loved Brian.


Saturday I got to wake up to no alarms.  I got amazing mail from California and Massachusetts. More kindness from friends and family. Thank you Ferrel and Foristall families! I went to workout. I happened to mention to my friend Katie, that I was planning to take Harper to an egg hunt then to buy a big girl bed and I joke about tying it to

the top of my car. She tells me Brent, my friend and her husband, can come with his truck. Before I am even at the park for the egg hunt, Brent is asking what time he should be at the mattress store. Because of this Harper has a new big girl bed and is sleeping in it without a fuss.  Saturday night was also full of love and my favorite thing called "friend mixing".  For a while Brian kept each group of friends he had separate. A year before he died, we all went to a cabin in Georgia so all our different friend groups got to know each other.  Now we have "friend mixing" all the time and I love it!  A group of us had dinner then went to the Adam Sandler show. I didn't have high expectations for the show but was hoping for a laugh. The show was incredible. The weather was GORGEOUS. Mary hooked us up with VIP!! Whoot Whoot!  Let me just tell you something, I may have cried from laughing so hard but I also cried, like real cried at a comedy show!! Adam did a tribute song to Chris Farley.  He was so genuine and I just thought about the love people have for Brian and was a tribute song to him would sound like. I also thought about how much he would've enjoyed the show. When
Adam is singing a song about a wife being mad in the morning before the husband even had a chance to do anything bad, I want to look over at Brian and laugh because it described me to a T.

While I was busy laugh crying and cry crying, Dani was babysitting Harper. While I thought they were at home, they were at Publix picking out Easter flowers for Mommy and making a card. When  got home, Dani gushed over Harper.  To see someone love your baby as much as you do or to think
she's special just fills your hear. So when I went to get my big girl out of bed this morning, I found my flowers and got to see Harper's face light up as she told me how she picked them. Seriously the sweetest for so many reasons. Everyone needs a kind, loving friend like Dani.




Today, consisted of church,  traditional cross picture with Dani and Harper,  Easter egg hunt at Grandma's, brunch with Tori and Dani at Raintree, a great Easter parade, and a visit to Daddy's grave. I immediately cry pulling in. The place just makes it real and sad. As we were leaving, Harper looks back and says, "Bye Daddy! Happy Easter!" No ounce of sadness in her voice.  I love the way she knows him, talks about him, remembers him. She doesn't like my tears over him but knows he is special and loves her so so much.  Tonight I got to be surrounded by even more friends and listen to live music that just feeds the soul.

Today, Easter Sunday, as I reflect on the week, I see the Lord all around. If the only way to know the Lord is through love, I get to see him ALL THE TIME. The people in my life are incredible. They are love.  Although no one can do anything to bring Brian back to show me love, I get to see the love he showed reflected back on us. I get to see the love and feel it.  Like I said, it is impossible to name every thing that made my heart feel love. This is just a little glimpse. Know that you all contribute to my life and the love I know.