Entry 83: Four Years

It is insane to me to think that it has been four whole years since we all were around Brian as he left this world. It is insane to me that four years of life have continued on. It is insane to me all the changes that those four years have brought. It is insane to me that he is not here to

experience them all with us. It's insane to me how Harper is SO MUCH LIKE HIM! It's insane to me that I was so worried that my just turned three year old wouldn't have her own memories of her dad and how insanely wrong I was. It is insane to me to feel like it just happened but it's also felt like FOREVER since I have seen him. It's insane to me that after 3 years of cancer and 4 years without him, people continue to show up, show love, and always at the times it is really needed. It's insane to me how the little details slip away the further it gets from the him being alive.

I am always thankful for his love. I challenged my staff to do something ridiculous today for the sole purpose of making someone laugh. I challenged them to maybe even send a dead cockroach in a folded up piece of paper. When thinking about Brian and all that made him him, it is these types of little things that all add up. The fact that he flirted with anyone and everyone. The way he taught me to talk to anyone and ask

truly how they are. The way he knew way too many facts about football or music, but could NOT remember to tell me he was going out of town for work. The way he cherished his friends and kept them for so long. The way he ALWAYS had random prizes for no reason at all. The way he would cry laugh at his own jokes or something so inappropriate that he couldn't stop laughing. The way he was so proud of his baby and showed it in every way possible. The way that nothing was too ridiculous for him. Want to drive to Disney on a Friday night just to eat in Japan and drive

back again? Sure! Why not? Let's go! The way he had the most insane ideas like a gorilla mask at an engagement photoshoot but the ideas were hilarious. The way he was always always thinking of something witty. The way he gave time and taught me the important of quality time. The way he clung to hope through it all. The way he brought our community of people together so that even on this random COVID day 4 years after he died,

Harper and I are NEVER ever alone even if we can't have a lightning squad party. The community so amazing that we woke up to a 14 minute video of all the friends sending love, support and happy birthdays. So today I leave you with RANDOM Brian. RIDICULOUS Brian. I challenge you to do something today, just for the sake of laughter. My hope is that as we continue to live life post Brian, we will take notice of all the little things that made him so special and see them in the common things of life. Excited to celebrate our baby today even though I don't accept 7 years old!