Since Brian passed, I feel like time is flying at almost the same rate as watching a newborn grow. Like how can it already be 5 months?!?! How is it 5 months ago that we were all surrounding his bed in Hospice? How has it been 5 months since our lives have completely changed? Why is life going so quickly?
Lately my life feels "fake". Not because fake because I can't believe I am selling and buying a house kind of fake, but fake in the sense that I've been away a lot and it's okay and I don't have to check in with anyone. Or it's summer and I am a teacher and don't have to work kind of fake. When Brian and I were together he didn't like being apart. He definitely didn't like being apart if it meant I was at the beach. So while at my parents for the last four days and now at the beach house today, I can't help but think about him a lot. Normally I would be going over the top to check in, to make sure we FaceTimed so he could hang with Harper daily, or to make sure he was happy and not missing us too much. This time I don't have to check in with anyone which is freeing but also super sad.
In Siesta Key, the best thing to do every night is watch the sunset. It is glorious and magical and even though I already have a million pictures of it I can't help but take a million more. When I finally decided to call it quits, put my phone down, and swim with Mom and Harper, I looked up and there was a cloud shaped like a lightening bolt. I ran out of the water (you can laugh, it wasn't pretty) and took some pictures and suddenly started crying. Because of a cloud. Because although many others have gotten hints of Brian, this was my first. It's at my favorite place ever, with my two best friends ever, and it just felt like he was the one checking in. Gah! So I cried. I cried while tons of people on the beach were taking in the gorgeous sunset and Mom was in the Gulf with Harper while she twirled in her tube. I have nothing wise or profound to say. It felt good to cry. I feel like I haven't done it enough lately. I love Brian and I miss him.
Lately my life feels "fake". Not because fake because I can't believe I am selling and buying a house kind of fake, but fake in the sense that I've been away a lot and it's okay and I don't have to check in with anyone. Or it's summer and I am a teacher and don't have to work kind of fake. When Brian and I were together he didn't like being apart. He definitely didn't like being apart if it meant I was at the beach. So while at my parents for the last four days and now at the beach house today, I can't help but think about him a lot. Normally I would be going over the top to check in, to make sure we FaceTimed so he could hang with Harper daily, or to make sure he was happy and not missing us too much. This time I don't have to check in with anyone which is freeing but also super sad.
In Siesta Key, the best thing to do every night is watch the sunset. It is glorious and magical and even though I already have a million pictures of it I can't help but take a million more. When I finally decided to call it quits, put my phone down, and swim with Mom and Harper, I looked up and there was a cloud shaped like a lightening bolt. I ran out of the water (you can laugh, it wasn't pretty) and took some pictures and suddenly started crying. Because of a cloud. Because although many others have gotten hints of Brian, this was my first. It's at my favorite place ever, with my two best friends ever, and it just felt like he was the one checking in. Gah! So I cried. I cried while tons of people on the beach were taking in the gorgeous sunset and Mom was in the Gulf with Harper while she twirled in her tube. I have nothing wise or profound to say. It felt good to cry. I feel like I haven't done it enough lately. I love Brian and I miss him.
Dear Karen, What a beautiful picture of our Lord's creation! We wanted you to realize
ReplyDeletethat according to God's Word, Brian is in a state of total rest now as he awaits the return of Christ. 1st Thessalonians 4:13 says: "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen 'asleep', lest you sorrow as others who
have NO HOPE. For IF we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will
bring WITH HIM those who SLEEP in Jesus. The rest of that chapter goes on to re-
inforce the state of SLEEP a believer is abiding in after death. Paul, with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, was warning believers against false doctrine seeking to
creep into the Church. When you feel espcecially encouraged as you look at a sunset
or sunrise, that is our Lord, who created that beauty, trying to reach out and comfort
you. He is reminding you of His presence and nearness at ALL times. He has promised to NEVER leave us as we put our trust in HIM alone. Hebrews 13:5.
We don't want you to miss the comfort that ONLY Christ can bring to you.
We have an adversary that would very much like to take advantage of your feelings
especially now as a void has been created with Brian's death. He is a defeated foe
as long as your faith in Christ is your covering. In His Love always, Aunt Jamie & Uncle Bill