I haven't written one of these in a really long time. Not because I am not experiencing grief, I think it is more that it has just become a natural, normal everyday part of life that there isn't a big aha moment to share.
That being said, Harper's grief has become much more visible. Before you say AWWWWW and have a huge pity party for her, for the most part it seems like she is displaying it in healthy ways. However, I didn't realize that even watching The Little Mermaid wasn't safe. We have seen the movie 100 times but when she got to the end this week and King Triton was waving Ariel off after her wedding, Harper started sobbing! Like full on ugly cry. That scene made her miss her daddy. She talks about him daily and loves learning new facts about him. Thanks to The Lego Movie 2, she now knows who Radiohead is and knows it was one her daddy's favorites.
This week Brian would be so in love with all things Harper. So although I don't cry while watching her VPK graduation or her nailing her dance rehearsal (nailing is used loosely here because it's like watching cats on parade), I do feel sad for what he's missing. We created this really awesome kid who is a ham just like him. Who is brave and kind. Who is silly and sometimes inappropriate. Who is so curious and so in tune with her surroundings. I also wish he was here to celebrate our sweet Adaline Jean turning two or his original baby, Madison graduate from high school. I am so thankful that my people continue to show up and support me. They continue to pour love into Harps and me. I am immeasurably thankful that my parents live so close by and are so involved in our everyday lives.
As far as dating goes, Brian ruined me. He trained me to expect ridiculous amounts of quality time that may be impossible in any relationship. But I think he would be super happy with how his baby is being treated.
I would still give anything to have him back but for now, I will stare at my VPK graduate and wonder how the heck did I get so lucky to create this soon-to-be kindergartner.(Also please note the weird way Harper holds her mouth while wearing lipstick! I love it!)
